Hilariously entertaining, this book will teach you that: you\'re unlikely to get away with pretending to be dead; it\'s better to dump someone with no excuse at all than to tell them it\'s because they only like early Radiohead; sometimes, giving a genuine excuse is far more embarrassing than saying nothing; pretending to be an answering machine is never going to be convincing; and you should never attempt to eat your underpants under any circumstances.